When was the last time you scolded your child? How did your child react? Did he cry, sulk, or just go quiet with a sad puppy face? However a child reacts upon being scolded by the mother, he certainly doesn’t undergo any happy emotions for a while.
If you’re like most parents, you must have gone through moments when you just can’t take it any more and snap out at your child. You might pass comments like, “Don’t do that!” or “How many times did I tell you to stop?”
In some families, it is believed that such outbursts are essential for making children learn how they’re supposed to behave. But recent studies conducted in preschools have revealed that scolding children has long-term damaging effects.
This is something all mothers are aware of actually, and can feel even when they’re in an angry mood. Perhaps that’s why every time we scold our child, we go through feelings of guilt longer than our child feels sorrow.
The best way to cope with any kind of guilt is to learn lesson from the incident, and try to improve your behavior the next time a similar situation arises. Same is the case with scolding your child. Occupying your mind to plan to use simple tactics every time you feel irritated would reduce the guilt. The motive is to minimize impulsive anger, even when your child is being annoyingly hyper or stubborn.
For instance, if you’re tempted to pass a harsh statement at your child by grabbing him arm, wait first and count to 10. Take a deep breath, regain your composure, and tell your child in a calmer way that you’re about to get angry. This way your child will get a chance to mentally prepare himself (or probably even change his behavior right away), while at the same time, you would get time to cool down and avoid shouting or losing your mind. Once you’re all calm, you can ask the child to explain why he was behaving the way he was, and explain back to him which part of his attitude is inappropriate and unacceptable in your household.
Every time you are able to have effective communication with your child, you will develop a sense of understanding for each other’s moods. You’ll be amazed how understanding children can be, only if they are treated with love and respect. After all, your love and attention is all they’re looking for.
A study conducted by Kuhn and Larzelere served the purpose of comparing the emotions children go through after getting scolded. According to the results, conditional spanking (in a light manner) can sometimes be effective in molding a child’s behavior towards reduced noncompliance. However, severe punishment or prolonged reprimand works in highly unconstructive ways.
This study makes us realize that there’s no need to fret too much if you get frustrated at your child every once in a while. Nonetheless, getting back our cool quickly can help us take corrective measures straight away, before any real damage is done.
Good communication with children enables us to develop strong bonds with them, training them effectively to behave properly and reducing our urge to snap at them even when they’re being unbearably annoying.