Understanding the Institution of Marriage

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Marriage is one of the closest relationships that we have. There are too many aspects of it to be discussed at a time, but these are some simple yet important pointers that may help one work their way through it.


Understanding

There are many books available that talk about rules for a successful marriage. But to be honest, there are no fixed rules. One needs to understand their spouse; what they like, what they dislike, what triggers a certain emotion in them. This is the most underestimated tip to survive marriage. For example, so many people argue that you shouldn’t go to bed without resolving your fight. But what if someone feels calm only after they have slept? It’s better to let them sleep in this case rather than trying to resolve the issue in the middle of the night.

You also need to understand their needs in order to be able to cater to them. Understand their gestures and what they mean when they behave in a certain way.


Respect

No relationship can survive without mutual respect. This includes respecting your partner’s family or whosoever is important for your partner. Absence of respect automatically means absence of love. Every relation demands respect; the closer the relation, more the respect.


Forgiveness

When you live with someone all the time, you make a lot of mistakes in front of them. Forgiveness should always be given priority. Egoistic behavior can lead to unnecessary fights and tension between the couple. Realize the fact that your spouse is also a human just like you and will make mistakes. Be ready to forgive them for the sake of your relationship and also your own peace of mind.

Also, learn to forgive yourself. There is no mistake that you aren’t able to mend. Everything heals with time. So don’t get distressed if you make a blunder; apologize, make things right, start over; it’s okay!


Keeping in mind their happiness

Your spouse is someone you live with; you plan your future with. Even if you want to be totally selfish, keeping in mind your spouse’s happiness is extremely important. It is not possible to stay positive when your life partner is not content with your relationship. So keeping your spouse happy is actually doing yourself a favor.


Appreciate the little things

It never hurts to say thank you. Even if you feel what your spouse did was mundane or obvious, say thank you; they will like it if you appreciate it. Other than their gestures, continue appreciating and complimenting different aspects of their personality. This appreciation shouldn’t go away as years pass by and life becomes busier. Always prioritize your relationship above material things.


Hide faults from others

Don’t ever highlight faults and flaws of your spouse in front of others. Most chances are that you would just be upset about them at something which will get sorted out sooner or later, but the person with whom you shared faults of your spouse won’t forget. This will not only make your spouse feel humiliated, but it will also make you feel bad in the long run when things get settled. Would you like your spouse to reveal your flaws to others?


Communicate

If there is something that is bothering you, don’t keep it inside yourself. Look for a suitable time and discuss it with your partner. No matter how many years have passed living together, don’t ever assume that your partner knows exactly what you are feeling. It is always better to let them know.

Don’t start nagging at a time when your partner is already upset or busy. The calmer your partner is, the better he will listen and be able to understand you.


Never compare

Everyone expresses love and care in different ways. If you see someone else’s spouse doing something that your spouse doesn’t, don’t get disappointed. Be sure to know that your spouse is perfect for you in whatever way he is with you. After all you can never see the full picture of someone else’s life just by knowing one aspect of it.


Spend time together

Time spent together is extremely important. Without spending time with one another, it is not possible to grow the sort of attachment that is needed in this relationship. Only when you spend time together, you become fond of one another. What you do together totally depends on you. Yes people often idealize communication as a way of spending quality time together, but actually as opposed to the popular opinion, even sitting together and using your own phone counts. Proximity also makes a huge difference. Sitting in the car together while one is driving and the other has dozed off also counts. It is definitely better than one sleeping at home and the other gone out to run some errands.


Spend time separately

Just like being together is important, having separate hobbies is also important. You can’t expect your spouse to be with you all the time. Both the partners need to have a life of their own as well; otherwise it is possible for one of them, if not both, to fall into misery.


Emotional dependency

The relationship between husband and wife is such that one is bound to depend emotionally on the other. But if there is one thing to learn in marriage, it is not to totally depend on your spouse emotionally. There are good days and there are bad days for everyone. On bad days, one needs to have some other place to vent out their emotions. Everyone needs a break. If you are feeling down due to something related to your spouse, you shouldn’t expect to get a shoulder to cry on from your spouse. Most chances are that they won’t be in a state of mind to be able to handle it themselves. Other avenues, other happy places, other friends are a must. That being said, one of the most beautiful aspects of this relationship is to find comfort in one another. With its ups and downs, the emotional side of marriage is really unique.


Smile

When things get tough, just smile. You never know how long a smile can go in making your relationship stronger.

Sarah Ahmed Uqaili

Sarah is a homemaker and a mother of two. She's been into engineering and mathematics since childhood, and has developed a newfound passion for writing, due to the interesting experiences she has as a mom. She likes sharing her inspirations on Opinined.

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